OOO – Overlooking Office Offense

“Have you started the report for ‘such and such’ yet?” I stopped the conversation that I was having with a colleague of mine to turn to the voice asking me this question.  It was the work supervisor. It was approximately 1:30pm in the afternoon and it was the first time that she had spoken to me that day. I was a little startled by her hasty interruption of my conversation, but I quickly said the first thing that came to mind. “Um...report? Yes, I have started that report”. Knowing that the report she was enquiring about was not yet due for submission, I awaited her next words.  My brain was going to work to justify why she felt the need to ask me that question at that very moment.  When no further enquiry came, it took me about a nano-second to catch on to what was happening.  Based on her initial tone and her lack of follow up remark, I realized then that her question had less to do with the report and more to do with the length of time in which I was talking to my colleague. It had been about ten minutes since my colleague sat down at my desk as we were catching up with each other about work and other matters. Within that time, I began laughing with this person – a welcomed relief from the stress and tension of the day. But in the silence that ensued, I knew right away that the interruption was my supervisor’s passive-aggressive way of telling me that I should wrap up my conversation and get back to work. When my colleague’s face-expression shifted to a quizzical look, I knew that she too had gotten the not-so-subtle message. She immediately ended our conversation and took her leave of me.

To say that I was upset after that would be an understatement. This had not been the first time since my supervisor had done this. As I sat at my desk fuming from what just took place, I replayed in my mind the memory of the last time she pulled a stunt like this.  A few weeks before that I was standing by a colleague’s desk speaking with him, when after a while this same supervisor left her chair, came over to where I was standing to tell me that she had sent me an email.  Thinking this must be an urgent matter, I ended my discussion and returned to my computer, only to find that the email had no urgency whatsoever. In fact, it was just an ‘FYI’ and did not even require a response from me.  As I sat there thinking about this some more, I felt the proverbial ‘steam leaving my ears’ as I grew hotter and hotter with each rise in the degree of my body temperature.

By now, I knew this feeling…

 By now, I knew this feeling. It happened to me often enough in my many years of working in Corporate. Whenever my body temperature rose until I was hot to the touch, whenever my heart rate picked up its pace and my breath started coming out in little short puffs, I knew that this meant that I was grossly offended. This realization of offense would usually lead to me seeking vindication or clarity or revenge of some sort. In the past, in this moment I would usually feel as though if I don’t address the way that I am feeling and get this offense off my chest I was going to burst!  In the past, I would usually confront my offender and let them know exactly how they offended me, how it made me feel and why I would appreciate them not doing this thing anymore. I had no problem standing up for myself, despite their rank, race or creed.   Not because I was a mean or angry person, but because I genuinely felt like what they did was rude, offensive and they should not repeat this behaviour with me or anyone else.  But as I was getting ready to go ‘confront’ my offender, something shifted. I started remembering all those whispered prayers I would make to Jesus asking Him to make me more like Him. I knew deep down that He did not want me to get up and go and confront this person, but I couldn’t seem to calm myself down. I was too mad to remember any of the scriptures that encouraged us to overlook offenses. I had lost my ability to reason, and this usually affects the way in which I would confront the offender – and not for the better. But in that moment something divine happened. The fog that had begun to form in my brain as I grew angrier by the minute cleared just enough for me to have the insight to ‘google’ some scriptures. I perceived that if I was going to try and resist confronting this person in my own strength, then I was going to fail – as I usually did.  I quickly opened the popular search website and did just that.  And as I began to read the scriptures my search had yielded, I felt the anger dissipating from me the way the smoke clears after a shower of rain.  Suddenly, my breathing began to slow, my body temperature was falling, and my foggy mind started to clear.  God’s word was literally going to work inside of me.  And after reading for a few minutes longer, what felt inevitable no longer seemed that way. God’s word forced anger to release its hold on me. 

When it comes to overlooking an offense, especially as it pertains to repeat offenders, it is not easy.  If you are like me, you believe that some people ought to be put in their places and that’s how our society will begin to change for the better. But what I learnt as I pondered the scriptures was that giving in to the urge to contest someone about their behaviour – often of which they are very much aware of – satisfies them more than you think. It pleases people to know that they have in fact offended you! However, if you stay silent, they will always be left wondering whether their offensive blow had landed or not. By confronting them, you confirm that it has, and many times much to their good pleasure.

5 Reasons You should Overlook Offenses:

 So here are five reasons (backed by Scripture) why it is better to overlook an offense in the workplace and in life in general:

1.       Overlooking an offense means you are wise and makes you look good.

When someone wrongs you or says something disrespectful, rude or treats you unfairly, the honourable thing to do is to let it go. Not because you are soft or a pushover, but because you are secure in yourself, you know who you are and you know you do not have to stoop to their level to be sure of this. You are mature and honourable enough to not feel the need to address every slight. 

-Proverbs 19:11

2.       Often, feeling offended says more about us than it does the offender.

 Offense is often rooted in insecurity and unresolved issues.  When we make our foundation God’s truth about us, who He says that we are and not who others say, we develop an inner peace that is so unshakeable, offenses fly right over our heads.  If God is our foundation, other people’s remarks shouldn’t shake it.

-Psalm 119:165

3.       Responding to an offense often puts a spoke in the wheel of your relationship with the offender. 

If someone wrongs you and you choose to let it go quietly, there stands a good chance that your relationship will remain intact. However, if you bring it up or hold it over their heads, it will eventually destroy that relationship.

-Proverbs 17:9

4.       Overlooking offenses shows that you have real emotional depth. 

When you don’t explode or react at the first…or second, sign of trouble, it reveals that you have matured and can boast a high emotional quotient (EQ). When you are quick to anger you are basically telling the world that you are still maturing.  But being slow to lose your cool works well in your favour in the long run.

-Proverbs 14:29

5.       You have mastery over your own mind.

In times afar gone, warriors used to prove their strengths by conquering cities. However, the wisest man and King who ever lived – Solomon – tells us that what is better than conquering cities is the ability to conquer our own minds.  Anyone can fight back, but it takes a truly powerful person to hold their tongue, stay calm and exercise restraint.

-Proverbs 16:32

For too long I thought that not responding or overlooking offenses made me look weak. I was afraid that if I did not address these things then I would run the risk of it happening again and again. I felt that this was the best way to teach people how to respect me as I have respected them.  But it turns out that fighting fire with fire doesn’t put a fire out, only emblazes it. Overlooking offenses does its merits, especially when it comes on to the shared office space. Learning to do this is easier said than done, but with constant practice we can all aim to have and maintain mastery over our minds and our emotions and see how well this serves us.